Frog Story 1994

Will the world end this Thursday? I will give you the facts and you be the judge.

For a small prelude, let me brief the uninformed. In "So Long And Thanks For All The Fish," the third book in the current five book trilogy by Douglas Adams, the earth is destroyed on a Thursday. Shortly before this event, the two most intelligent creatures on the planet departed. Of course, we all the know that these creatures are the mice and the dolphins.

Monday evening I turned on my fishtank light an proceeded to feed my fish. I looked around for my african frogs, which often pique my curiosity. Not finding them right away, it did not phase me in the least because they often hide in the excellent caves I made for them in my tank. However, they usually appear, in a frenzy, soon after I start feeding the fish because they are perpetually hungry.

After not seeing them for a couple of minutes, I got my 500,000 candlepower flashlight, which if used wrong, would blind all life in the tank. I carefully used it to look into my excellent caves and saw no frogs. A little concerned, I looked in the plants, and under another darkened rock formation. At this point I was a little more worried. Sometimes, I have seemed to misplace my fish, and they turn up. I know my frogs have been known to crawl up into the filter at times, although not recently. I looked in the filter; No frogs. Uh-Oh! I checked the next obvious places; Between the hood and the light, on the floor, and, thinking the frogs may be "magic frogs," on the bottom of the hood (because maybe they are hanging upside down, suction-cupped to the hood). No luck.

My last hope is to remove all the excellent rocks from the tank. Maybe they crawled under, and the rocks shifted a little and pegged them in. No frogs. Shit! I started running my fingers through the gravel hoping that maybe they think they're bears and that they are hibernating. Nope!

I searched the whole room with my super flashlight. I looked under all furniture, in the piles of clothes on the floor, on my desk, in my bed, in my shoes, in any small crevice I could find. With no frogs in sight, I now have to draw some conclusions:

  1. The frogs died and they disintegrated. Not likely
  2. The fish killed and ate the frogs. Not likely, since the frogs were bigger than the fish, and my fish are very peaceful.
  3. The frogs got out, and are either dead or hopping about, depending upon how long they have been out of the water. Possible, but, I have had these frogs 2 years, and it is too much of a coincidence that they BOTH got out the same day. It's not like one found the way out and relayed that info to the other one.
  4. Someone broke into my apartment and stole only the frogs, ignoring the $3500 in cash I had sitting on my desk. Now I am pulling at straws.
  5. This one was not thought of by me, but I considered it. Aliens kidnapped my frogs. Again, not likely.
  6. The frogs, knowing of the impending destruction of earth, decided to high-tail it out of here and save their race. This is the most likely scenario. After all, it happened in "So Long And Thanks for All The Fish."

I decided not to try my next option. I thought I should call some pet stores and ask them if their frogs are missing. My worst fear would be a conversation that could go something like this:

Me: Hi, do you sell African Frogs?

Pet Store: Yes we do.

Me: Do you have any in your store now?

Pet Store: Well, funny thing, we had them yesterday, but they all seem to be gone today.

Aaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh! Nightmare becomes reality. I was too scared to have this scenario occur, that I decided not to make any calls. I was sure that the world was going to end on Thursday and advised some people that they should take off the next day and have a good time while it lasts.

That night, I searched more, and in a pile of fuzz, I saw what could have been a dried up frog. It was. End of story. If the world ends Thursday, it is just a coincidence.

P.S. Did you really think I kept $3500 in cash on my desk. Ha! It was 3500 cents, in other words, $35.

P.P.S The other frog is still AWOL, but it is a foregone conclusion that he is also a dried corpse. 

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